"Do 'im, Berts"

We sat at the picnic table outside the pub and looked out over the Trent. It was a bright, warm evening. The swallows wheeled and swooped. A lady plonked her bag of dog poo down on the next table. “Where’s the bin?”, she said, but it was too late. My cheese and onion crisps had already lost their flavour.

I know I can only lose friends by having a go at dogs. I’m not. I’m having a go at some dog owners.

This picture of the promenade at Dawlish shows one of my favourite places in the world. There was even a steam train due.

Chris, being a more adventurous soul, went for a wander along the breakwater. I turned back towards the railway. A yappy dog ran straight at me, stopping just short - but still very agitated.

This sometimes happens when we are walking or cycling on the trail at home. The dog owners’ default position is always, “He’s OK, he’s only being friendly.” Every time when this has happened previously, I’ve murmured something polite, smiled and moved on without a fuss, even if I have already been slobbered on, had my crotch sniffed or received dirty paw marks on my trousers.

This time, for reasons unknown, I did not raise my head, I did not smile, I simply covered my groin with both hands - as if defending a free kick in the wall on the edge of the penalty area. Then I walked on. This was interpreted as an affront. “Do ‘im, Berts”, came the response. At this point I did look round but both the owner and the man he was talking to made a point of looking away. It was as though the command had mysteriously drifted down from above.

I find dogs unpredictable, often intrusive and sometimes downright scary. Their frequent barking from a nearby garden disturbs the peace when I’m sitting outside. Their little coloured packages now litter the trail, as dog poo itself did when we used to play park football. We used to joke about that special aroma of “wet dog” perfume. None of us grew up with dogs at home. If we had, my perspective would, no doubt, be different.

I know how important they are to some folk. I understand the special bond that many people have with them. Not everyone feels as comfortable in the company of dogs as some dog owners imagine. That is what I would like some dog owners to consider.