My wife stood at the
top of the piste and surveyed the slippery slope ahead of her. She took in the
beauty of the peaks, glistening in the bright sunlight. She did not see the guy
who cleared her out, smacking into her from behind, taking her completely off
her feet and leaving her dumped in a heap on the snow. “He was a very nice
man,” she said later, “He called back over his shoulder and asked me if I was
OK.” “Yes, OK, thank you,” she had called out after him as he disappeared over
the next ridge. That was before she had tried to stand up, when she realised
that her wrist was at an unnaturally jaunty angle and was actually no longer
working at all because it was broken in two places.
When she had first left
for the slopes, I told her how much I would miss her, waved her off, and then
immediately checked out the Northern Rail website and found that my chosen day
ranger ticket would cover the Nottingham, Sheffield, Lincoln triangle within
which we reside. I was quite excited by the prospect of riding normal service
trains again, just for fun.
The 10.03 Class 156
Super Sprinter to Nottingham was busy with resolute shoppers and families getting
in the mood for a half-term treat in the form of a day out in the city. The
windows were filthy.
The conductor guard was
being trained. He looked totally baffled by my unusual ticket request.
Unfortunately, his overseer was equally perplexed, but eventually found
evidence of a similar, but more expensive, version. When I questioned this, he
kindly gave me the option to renegotiate at the Nottingham ticket office. This
meant I had to tell the tale a third time to get me past the barrier and a
fourth at the ticket office, itself.
The 10.45 Class 158
Express Sprinter to Liverpool was “have to travel backwards” busy. On such
occasions, I try to squat on the edge of the seat so that I’m facing the window
on the other side of the gangway and look out over my shoulder in the direction
of travel. Fellow passengers viewed me with suspicion.
In Sheffield, there was
just time to join the 11.44 to Lincoln. Our motive power had moved down market.
The Pacer Unit sounded like a bus. Inside, it also felt like being on a rather
grubby bus, but why does it have to look like a bus on the outside, too? It’s a
train, for heaven’s sake.
I knew that Lincoln
Central is handily placed for a range of enticing eateries but I found Subway
pretty easily. I don’t have many opportunities to partake of a Subway
sandwich. I greedily went for the foot-long
version and filled it with as many tasty extra bits as I could; olives,
gherkins, peppers and chilli sauce. To say that it is not near the top of my
wife’s list of favourite culinary establishments is to create an
understatement, the enormity of which, I can only begin to convey. Luckily, my
wife was in the French Alps and she may never know how frivolous and
disappointing I was in her absence.
Back at the station the
automatic barrier did not accept my ticket, throwing it back out at me. The
attendant, no doubt poised alongside to sort out any such barrier problems
snorted, “Humph, ranger ticket,” as though I was some sort of confidence
trickster, only one small step up from having no ticket at all.
The 13.35 to Leicester
was a Class 158 semi-fast service full of students going home for the weekend. Clattering
over the East Coast Main Line at Newark crossing, we passed an Immingham-bound
oil tank train. There was no chance of making out what was hauling it, though
the young man opposite me noticed my conditioned and uncontrollable whisk of
the head, when I first saw it. I checked with a paper tissue that I had not got
any chilli sauce on my chin and then I tried to adapt my demeanour so I came
over as a normal passenger for the rest of the journey.
I arrived in
Nottingham in time for a cup of coffee in Waterstones before joining the
exhausted shopaholics on the Lincoln stopper with the dirty windows - so dirty,
in fact that the little boy opposite couldn’t make out Sneinton windmill when
his granny tried to point it out to him. I think she was going on previous
experience, rather than direct observation. It was definitely out there
somewhere, last time we all passed this way.
In the car, I mulled
over lessons learnt. I realised that I had seen only three locomotives all day and
had not been able to identify any of them. I had remembered how important it is
to be facing the direction of travel if you are interested in [a] railways [b]
landscape
[c] avoiding dizziness
and a cricked neck. I had witnessed some very well used trains and a lot of
general good humour from those in transit. I had noticed how much smoother
travelling by ordinary train has become on continuous welded rail and with
improved suspension systems, when compared to earlier generations of DMUs. I had
observed that railways now have bins again, after the no bin era. The
authorities must presumably have concluded that bins are actually useful things
overall and that those determined to do us harm, may not, in the end, be
deterred solely by the lack of them.
I had heard far more
bits of information being imparted than used to be the case - about the
presence of CCTV, the importance of not smoking, of not leaving luggage
unattended, of minding the gap, of remembering to take my belongings with me
when I alight, alongside a repeated promise on certain stations, that there was
a definite intention to check my ticket.
When I finally arrived
at Fiskerton, I realised that I had prematurely pushed the button on the door
before the light had come on, and I half expected a voice to announce, “Do not
push the button to open the door before the light has come on,” to shame me
publicly. On this occasion, I got away with it.
[This article is adapted from that printed in
the current edition of Railwayana Antiques Gazette, with thanks to Tim
Petchey.]